a lifetime ago
by merdarkandtwisty
Summary: "I'm always here day or night you know that." She whispered you once asked me what made me run from god and it was really a cumulation of many things. But what started it all was years ago. Another life time really. I had another baby before Harriet a son his name was Samuel." powerful words from April the day of Catherine's surgery AU


I don't own Grey's anatomy

A/N an I wish for scene from 15x11 Japril style with a little bit of Koracick.

April held her daughter as she listened to Jackson talking to Maggie about Samuel. She wanted to back away to run. She hadn't meant to ease drop she hadn't even known they would be in that hall she'd came to pick up Harriet from day care. She was going to wait for Jackson to tell her Catherine had woken up so she could let her see Harriet before she went home.

She knew she'd want to see Harriet. That's how she'd ended up here. Listening to her ex husband the love of her life talking to his girlfriend. It may not be fair to Matthew but it was true Jackson would always be her soul mate. Her best friend and Matthew would be a safety net a pale second. She didn't hate Maggie Peirce no she actually quite liked the other woman, but at this very moment she wanted to scream and cry. To stomp her foot and fall apart. She couldn't though she wouldn't. fall apart even though it felt like a violation for Jackson to be talking to this woman about their son. THEIR'S. Maggie had no right to that pain.

Maggie who may understand Jackson having a mother with cancer in a way April never could. Would never understand the loss of her precious son. Yet here Jackson was discussing it with her. She couldn't be mad though. Oh she was mad but she knew she had no right to be. Samuel was Jackson's just as much as he was her's. he had a right to share with whoever he wanted.

It was the truth that April hadn't been there for him the way she should have been. She'd left to save herself the moment he needed her the most and she'd repent for that every day of her life. Just then Harriet decided to talk.

"Dada."

Jackson looked up at April and Harriet. "Oh I didn't see you there."

"So I didn't mean to ease drop I was just coming to get Harriet and I didn't… I didn't realize you would be right here. I'm sorry I'll go." She turned to leave an Jackson stood up out of Maggie's grip.

"No stay." Maggie looked at him, he could see the hurt washing over his face but in this moment he needed April and Harriet his family.

"oh… okay." April looked towards Maggie.

"yes stay I'm going to check on my father." Maggie cleared her throat and walked past April and through the swinging doors. April approached Jackson sitting down beside him passing Harriet over to him and wiping a tear from his eye in the process.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"For what?" he whispered back.

"For ease dropping." She waved towards the door. "For upsetting Maggie."

'No you're fine thanks for being here it means a lot." He picked up her hand and squeezed it.

"I'm always here day or night you know that." She whispered. The two of them sat in silence. A silence of years of friendship. April letting Jackson take strength from her without saying a word. Their daughter with them. The perfect family that would never be. After what felt like forever, or only a second but was probably an hour. Jackson stood up.

"I should go find Maggie and Richard see how things are going. He squeezed her hand one last time and kissed her cheek handing Harriet back to her. She watched him walk away. She closed her eyes and held her daughter close. A piece of him and her forever.

She was sitting for only a few moments before she stood up and made her way towards the chapel. She wasn't sure how long she sat there hours. That much she knew but how many elapsed she'd never be able to answer that question. She looked up when she felt someone sit next to her.

"Dr. Koracick." She nodded

"You can call me Tom after all we have slept together." He said.

April blushed remembering that time in her life.

"Yes well the surgery is done then?"

"Yes she is awake."

"I'm sure Jackson will want Harriet then." April sighed as she went to stand. She turned suddenly remembering what Tom had shared with her all that time ago. She licked her lips and swallowed.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"you once asked me what made me run from god and it was really a cumulation of many things. But what started it all was years ago. Another life time really. I had another baby before Harriet a son. His name was Samuel He had OI 2 and we had to deliver early he died. So I understand." She whispered gripping his hand and I'm sorry for the loss of your son.

She left a stunned Koracick and walked out the door. So many layers of April Kepner that he would never have guessed.

A/N so hope you enjoyed this little A/U Scene


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